How Abortion Affects Guys

QUESTION OF THE DAY - MỖI NGÀY MỘT NGHI VẤN

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MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER

HOW ABORTION AFFECTS THE “GUYS”

For every child aborted, there is a mother and a father. Although the father does not go through the physical process of the abortion, he is still the father of an aborted child.

Abortive fathers can be young single men of high school or college age. They can also be married men whose wives had an abortion. They may have been willing participants in the abortion, perhaps urging the girl/woman to have the abortion and even paying for it. Or they may have been unwilling participants who had little or no say in the decision to abort their child. Regardless of the circumstances, there are thousands of them, and counselors are documenting the post abortion trauma experienced by many of these young men.

As with women, sometimes the impact of an abortion is immediate, and sometimes it takes several years to surface, often when he hears of or anticipates the birth of his first born child. Whether immediate or long term, research has shown that these men experience these problems, not just for a few days, but for years:

· Sleeplessness, bad dreams, nightmares.

· Sexual dysfunctions.

· Depression, fear of failure, fear of rejection.

· Loneliness or numbness.

· Relationship struggles.

· Difficulty with commitment.

· Lack of self worth.

· Inability to trust friends.

· Anger, rage.

· Addictions.

· Sexual compulsions.

Although the abortion may take care of the "immediate" problem, the impact of its finality and irreversibility can be overwhelming.

Most importantly, for teenage boys and those in their early twenties, participating in an abortion can block the confidence it takes to make the transition from boyish selfishness to responsible manhood, leaving them in a kind of limbo with the above problems and negating the ability to move into adulthood.

For many guys, choosing abortion was an "easy" payment for a sexual high. It was the way to remain in a world where actions didn't have consequences - a fantasy world of boyhood and adolescence without responsibility.

In reality, as "emerging adults," it is the challenges and choices to accept responsibilities which gradually move the boy into manhood.

In order to understand the reaction of men to abortion, it is important to first understand what motivates the human male species. Instinct drives men to achieve success in five key areas of their lives: to experience pleasure, procreate, provide, protect, and perform.

The desire for men to enjoy pleasure extends beyond the need for sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. It also encompasses the enjoyment of having children and a life-mate for companionship.

Men provide an essential role in the continuation of the human race. Almost every man, whether he verbalizes it or not, values the idea of having offspring of his own flesh and blood - carrying on the family name and bloodline.

Following procreation, a man's priority shifts to providing - for the family he has created.

Like providing for his family, man is highly programmed to protect them as well - from dangers, injury, etc.

This includes job performance, social standing, and admiration of his peers.

The abortion of a man's child interrupts this sequence and damages these key elements of his instincts, resulting in frustration, anger, and confusion.

A father's post-abortion testimony:

I shall never know in this life whether my child was a boy or a girl. My former girlfriend, the mother of my child, only told me a number of weeks later that she had been pregnant and that she had had an abortion.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. I have told only four persons, two of whom live far away and the other two can be relied upon to keep it secret. One of the latter, a close friend, suspected that something serious was wrong and pried the truth from me by degrees. The first big clue was when I went with her to a hospital maternity ward to visit her sister and new niece. When a nurse held the infant up in the nursery, I turned sheet-white.

I still have violent emotional reactions. For instance, a television news program recently showed a woman strapped to an operating table awaiting her "procedure." Some ghastly older woman came in and smiled at her a phony "everything will be just fine soon, Deary" smile. In the few seconds it took me to leap out of the chair and turn off the TV I thought, "I'd like to wipe that smile off her face with a baseball bat."

My trust in women and in people in general has been rocked. I have not been able to sustain any kind of relationship with a woman since and doubt that I shall ever be able to trust a woman enough to marry her. I doubt, too, whether my own reaction to marriage and children will be adequate. Don't I already have a first child?

There is so much more I could say - the strange reactions one gets to news of friends getting married and having children. The sensation of looking at an infant nephew and wondering, "Would my son have looked like this?" My girlfriend's abortion turned the world upside down and there has been no justice to turn it right side up.